Finding The Teachable Moment

I’m the only Parelli student at my barn and from the beginning my behavior was considered somewhat eccentric. Nevertheless everyone was friendly and no one seemed to criticize my odd ways so I felt accepted into the barn fellowship quickly after arriving with Sonny two summers ago. Despite feeling strongly that natural horsemanship was the best way to develop both a rider and a horse, I was careful in the beginning not to offer suggestions or proselytize to other boarders. I was hoping that eventually the progress I made with Sonny would elicit enough interest that at least a few of my fellow boarders would begin to ask questions, giving me the opportunity to explain how a more natural approach can build a stronger horse/rider partnership. I try always to stay alert to that “teachable moment” when someone stops asking the ‘what’ question and moves on to the ‘why’. I have one specific behavior in working with Sonny that has generated a lot of ‘what’ questions in the past two years. Sonny is a LBI and he has a lot of opposition reflect that has to be overcome before he is willing to play. As a result, I am very sensitive to making sure that he chooses to come to me when we first start out a session. It doesn’t matter if he is in his stall or out in the field, I never just walk up to him and throw a halter on him. When he is in his stall, I open the door and wait at the doorway for him to come over to me. Sometimes he comes right away, sometimes it takes a few moments and sometimes he’ll stand ignoring me for several minutes until he is ready to amble over in the hopes of scoring a cookie. If he is out in the pasture and doesn’t start toward the gate when I open it, I will often mosey about halfway to where he is grazing and then sit down along the fence and wait for him to come over. This has created so funny moments at the farm when more than one of the other girls has spotted something odd in the field and come running, only to figure out it is just me sitting by the fence waiting for Sonny to come over and greet me. It was this behavior that led to a recent ‘teachable moment’. I was planning a liberty session with Sonny but when I turned him loose in the round pen, he immediately turned his back on me and walked to the opposite side of the pen to graze. Since that was a pretty clear signal that he wasn’t ready to play, I left him there for a few minutes while I went and did some barn chores. When I returned 10 minutes later, he was still grazing and he didn’t even lift his head as I opened the gate. It was not an encouraging sign. So I went inside, shut the gate. Like most of the country, we’ve had a miserably hot summer, and being that I live in Delaware, it has also been incredibly humid. It was late morning and the temperature was already above 90 degrees. The humidity was so high that I had started sweating the minute I stepped from the car. Our round pen is in full sun and about the last thing I wanted to be doing at that moment was sitting there. But six years of experience with Sonny had taught me that neither of us was going to have much fun if I started this liberty session before he was ready so I planted my back against the pen and slid to the ground to wait. The blacksmith was at the barn that morning and one of the boarders was grazing her horse outside the barn waiting her turn with him. After a few minutes, I sensed that I had become an object of curiosity. I sat quietly, occasionally wiping sweat from my face, ignoring my horse. He was still grazing on the opposite side of the round pen, but his butt was no longer pointing directly at me. He had turned slightly and I knew he was watching me. I continued to ignore him. The girl waiting for the blacksmith dragged her horse closer to the round pen and called out to me. “What are you doing sitting there?” she asked. “I’m just waiting,” I called back. “Why?” she asked. There it was, the ‘why’ question, the ‘teachable moment’ had arrived. By this time, Sonny was facing me and grazing in my direction. I knew that in a moment he would lift up his head and look at me. Then he would let out a big sigh, amble over, put his nose in my lap looking for a cookie, and he would be mine! “Sonny wasn’t ready to play when I brought him into the round pen. He was more interested in grazing than in being with me. I’m waiting for me to tell me when he is ready”, I answered. “How will he do that?” she asked. “Well, he’ll come over here’, I said, “and ask for a cookie.” She looked skeptical but before she had a chance to say anything, Sonny picked up his head and let out a big sigh. “I think he is about ready” I said and as I reached into my pocket for a cookie, Sonny started toward me. “Being prey animals, all horses have a natural opposition reflex. It helps to keep them alive in the wild. But with Sonny, who is naturally more dominant, it is really well developed. Sonny has a ‘what’s in it for me?’ personality. If I were to try and force him into doing what I want him to do, he takes a ‘you and what army are going to make me do this’ stance and we get into a fight. I’ve just learned over the years that, with Sonny, it is better if I wait for him to be ready.” “I don’t think my horse if like that,’ she answered. “He comes right to me most of the time.” “Like people, horses can have different personalities. Some horses, like Sonny, are more dominant. They aren’t looking for leaders. But not all horses are like that. Parelli Natural Horsemanship™ has a concept called “Horsenality™” that is based on observable behavior traits. Different horsenalities benefit from different approaches so your horse might need a different approach than what Sonny needs.” By that point I was on my feet and beginning to play with Sonny at liberty. As I continued to discuss concept of “Horsenality™”, I set up two cones and sent Sonny into the figure 8 pattern. As he trotted a couple of figure 8s, I could see his play drive coming up so I sent him into a canter. When he made the next figure 8, he threw a flying change so I disengaged him and cantered back to me and stopped. “That was pretty cool” she said. “I wish I could get my horse to do something like that.” “I’m sure you could”, I told her. “When I first got Sonny, I couldn’t even get him to back up. It’s just a matter of recognizing your horse’s personality and then leaning some natural techniques. If you are interested, you should look up the Parelli website. “ We continued to talk for a bit and I told her about Parelli Connect. She admitted to me that she thought the way I dealt with Sonny was kind of strange but she really envied my relationship and how connected we seemed to be when I was playing with him. “Maybe there is something to this natural horsemanship” she said as she led her horse into the barn for the blacksmith. By that time, I was completely soaked with sweat but rather than feeling all washed out, I was feeling pretty energized. While sitting and waiting, I had found a teachable moment and perhaps Sonny and I had intrigued one of my barn mates enough about natural horsemanship that she would pursue it more. And wouldn’t that make the world just a little bit better for at least one horse and one human?