Everything I Know About Leadership I Learned From My Horse

I worked for the DuPont Company for 28 years, managing a number of different groups and over that time, I thought I had learned a lot about leadership. After I retired in 2007, I started working at the Greener Pastures Horse Sanctuary in Warwick, Maryland. At the rescue, I learned about and began studying Parelli™ Natural Horse-Man-Ship™. From Parelli™, I began to understand the language of horses and discovered, much to my great surprise, that horses are a lot smarter than I thought they were. In fact, I’ve come to realize that almost everything I know about leading people, I learned from my horse.

Be Friendly – It Builds Trust

My first horse, Max, taught me a lot about how to work with people. Without a doubt, the most important lesson I learned was that being genuinely friendly was the fastest way to build a good working relationship. Max had been abandoned by his owner; a college coed who had brought Max with her to the University of Delaware then met a boy, fell in love and stopped paying Max’s board. When I bought him, he didn’t seem to have much of a personality. But he was my first horse and I loved him with a passion. I would spend hours with him, grooming him, playing with him and feeding him carrots. Slowly but surely, his personality began to emerge. When he heard my voice, he would put his head out of his stall door and whinny to me. If I came to the pasture, he would hurry to the fence looking for treats. Even though I was an inexperienced rider, he always gave me his best.
Looking back, I can see now that all of the hours I spent grooming Max, just being friendly, had communicated to him that I was genuinely interested in his welfare and I wasn’t going to hurt him. With me, he could feel safe and because he was safe, he could give me his best.
The same is true with people. As a leader, you can’t always please everyone, but you can genuinely care about the people who work for you as individuals. The key here is to be genuine and authentic when you interact with people, taking the time to get to know them as a person. When people know you care about them, it is easier for them to feel safe with you. They will go the extra mile or to take a risk. It is easier for them to ask for help and learn from their mistakes because they will not fear retribution. Being genuinely friendly pays dividends.

Speak like a Native

My current horse, Sonny, can be a bit headstrong. When I first got him, I noticed that he would often bump into me when I was leading him. I would try to stay out of his way and the behavior didn’t seem to be mean-spirited but it was almost like he didn’t notice I was there.
I’d had Sonny a year or so before I started studying Parelli™. The first time I played the Parelli games with him, I was astonished at his reaction. His attention was riveted on me. Head up, ears forward, he looked like he was asking, “What did you just say to me?” I laughed and for the first time realized that I had been trying to talk to him in a foreign language. Once I switched from the language of people to the language of horses, Sonny and I were able to communicate. I could ask him to please stay out of my space and he did. There was no more bumping into me, unintentionally or otherwise.
To be an effective leader, you need to be able to speak to people in their own language. In DuPont, where I worked, you needed to “talk technical”. I was trained as a chemist but I worked with lots of engineers and they had their own language. To be effective, I had to learn to speak “engineer”. Being a women, I also had to learn how to navigate in a male dominated environment that also seemed to have language, verbal and non-verbal all of its own. All cultures and sub-cultures have languages and to work and live effectively in a particular culture, you need to be willing to learn and use the language.

Be Particular Without Being Critical

The other day I was trying to get Sonny to walk around me in a circle. Every time I asked him to start, he would walk a few steps and then start to trot. Every time he trotted, I would politely shake the line and ask him to walk. We must have done this a dozen times and he was getting annoyed, shaking his head and swishing his tail. It looked pretty disrespectful and I might have gotten angry but each time I would take a deep breath and ask politely again. Finally, he snorted, let out a big sigh and began to walk around me in a circle. By insisting politely without getting angry, being particular without being critical, I finally got the desired response.
As a leader, getting the performance you need often requires making corrections. People are often embarrassed when mistakes are pointed out to them, particularly if they sense any judgment or anger in what they often perceive as criticism. But most people want to do a good job and appreciate correction that is delivered in an objective, non-judgmental manner. Objective, non-judgmental feedback creates an opportunity for learning from potential mistakes and for improved performance. It also helps to build a better working relationship. There were times during my career when I had to deliver some difficult performance feedback. But by being specific and particular about both performance and expectations without being critical, I could created an environment for improvement, rather than a disgruntled employee.

Reward The Slightest Try

Three years ago we rescued a week old pony from the killer pens. This baby, who was named Noah, was sickly and required lots of attention as he was nursed back to health. As a result, he became more than a little spoiled and by the time we started his Parelli™ training, he was a bit of a brat. It is easy to get annoyed with Noah. He is pushy and stubborn and has been know to sneak a nip or a kick when you aren’t looking. But armed with the knowledge that pressure motivates but the release of pressure teaches, I committed myself to release at the smallest of effort on Noah’s part.
In the beginning, I wasn’t sure I was seeing much progress at all. But after several weeks, there was a noticeable change in Noah’s attitude. He was less pushy and more willing. He stopped trying to nip. Today Noah is trotting figure eights on line and has accepted a saddle and rider sitting on his back. I’m hopeful that he will someday be adopted into a loving home where he can be some child’s perfect pony.
In today’s business environment, it is easy to take the people who work for us for granted. As companies have downsized, workloads have increased. New and unfamiliar tasks can be overwhelming to people who are already under stress. One mistake leaders make is thinking that only extraordinary effort deserves recognition, but in reality, it is the everyday effort that needs to be acknowledged. Showing sincere appreciation even for everyday tasks, saying ‘thank you’ or ‘good job’ or even ‘nice try’ can be incredibly motivating.

Not Every Pony is a Good Cow Pony

My horse, Max, was a cow horse. When I first met him, he was in a pasture that also had a couple of calves. Max used to herd the calves. I would stand at the fence and watch him cut the calves away from the horses and drive them into a corner of the pasture. Max was built to be maneuverable. Being 7/8s thoroughbred, he was agile and quick and he could turn on a dime. His gaits were smooth as silk. Riding Max was like driving a fine sports car. But he was sensitive and could easily become unconfident in new situations.
My horse Sonny, on the other hand, was bred to be a halter horse. He is beautiful but not particularly agile. When I first got him, he couldn’t trot in a tight circle without tripping over his own feet. He wings his front feet at the trot and his canter is clunky. Riding Sonny is like driving a Hummer. When I first rode him in the ring I was a little disappointed in his performance because of his gaits but when I took him out into the woods I discovered that he is great on trails. Nothing bothers him, not wind or bad footing or deer jumping out into his path. And he can go all day long in unfamiliar environments without getting upset. Sonny will never be the elegant mover Max was but as a trail horse, he excels.
When leading people, it is important to remember that not everyone will be good at every job. During my years in industry, I frequently saw a person who was a good performer in one type of job perform less successfully when promoted to a different job. At times, this was a temporary situation that resulted from a lack of experience or training. But at other times, it was the result of a poor match between the person and the type of work. When time or training failed to turn the performance situation around, the employee could find himself in a downward performance spiral.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. As a leader, it was my job to understand this and place people in situations where their strengths could be utilized to the best advantage. Sometimes that meant guiding them into a different type of work or placing them on teams when their weaknesses could be compensated for by the strengths of others and their strengths could contribute to the success of the team. Trying to make a trail horse into a cutting horse is a recipe for failure with horses or people.

In retrospect, I wish I had known about Parelli™ Natural Horse-Man-Ship when I had started my career in industry. I can see now that my horses Max and Sonny taught me as much about being a good leader as my years in management positions. They taught me to look inside myself when things weren’t going as I had planned rather than to blame them. They taught me to be calm and patient and clear about what I was asking for. They taught me how to appreciate their strengths and compensate for my weaknesses. They taught me that being a successful leader is all about building strong relationships based on trust and respect